TRUST and QUENCH

“I said I can’t go on with the relationship,” reiterated the boy, trying not to look at the girl sniffing and sobbing.  “Is it by force?” His voice was now firmer and more decisive.

          The girl looked up at his stiff figure, which was moving jerkily and restlessly about the room.  Now he was beside the table rearranging the books on it and the next time he was sitting on the arm or at the edge of a chair. Big diamond drops of tears rolled down her face.

          “Laide,” she mumbled, “so now you can’t…you can’t…go on with…with the relationship?” Her voice was very small.

          “No, Tade, I can’t,” Laide answered, still not looking at her.

          Tade cried some more, harder.  The more she cried the more uncomfortable Laide became and the guiltier still.  He knew he was the one causing her all this heart-rending sorrow with the type of decision he had just informed her of.  But he had to stick by this decision if he didn’t want his programme for his life to be disrupted.  Tade spoke again, pathetically:

“So, it’s now…now that you realized I… I… am pregnant…that you… can’t go…on with the…relationship, ehn … Laide?” Her voice ended on a broken note. Her shoulders were heaving with the heaviness of her sad burden as she sobbed uncontrollably.

            But she got control of herself.  She sniffed and rubbed the tears off her face, trying to steady her voice. “Laide I need your help now more…more than ever before,” her voice was almost breaking. Then, she took a grip of herself once more. “Please, don’t make me beg you for it.  Just remember the good times we had together,” she pleaded, her voice virtually inaudible as she makes to go down on her knees.

          “And please, don’t let me be harsh on you, Tade,” Laide told her brusquely, his face contorted into an angry mask.  “I’ve been trying to think of what this may mean for you but you should also realize that if my father ever hears about … (pausing meaningfully) … this I am not likely to finish my SSS cert.  I can’t take such responsibilities on right now.  I must consider myself first.  Moreover, you are not a baby so you should have known how to prevent getting yourself into this mess in the first place,” he finished on a contemptuous note. His eyes were spitting fire, telling her she can’t drag him down with her.

          Tade’s kneeling movement was arrested. She was shocked by this self-righteous speech to say the least. Her tears were now almost dried as she looked at him with new eyes.

          “I’m surprised at you too, Laide.” Her voice was shocked and much steadier.  “I’m surprised you can vomit those sorts of blasphemous things out of your mouth to me.  I thought…I thought the only way I could prove my love for you was…was by giving myself to you.”  She almost choked on the last bit.

He had the grace to look sheepish at this.

          “And Gullible of Gulliverland that I was too,” Tade resumed, “I took your words at face value.  I gave you my innocence…” her voice ended on a sob, breaking her resolve. Then she shook her head and took hold of herself. She angrily brushed at her wet eyes as she continued accusingly, “…trusting my life into your hands and my future – my life, Laide, and my trust. That night you took me, you promised me both heaven and earth while you took me.”  Her accusing eyes really pricked his conscience.

          “Well, what would you have had me say that night?” he returned defensively. “That should you be stupid enough not to be able to take care of yourself, I would not be held responsible?” he continued. His voice was also rising. “Well, you were not likely to have given yourself to me so gladly. So, don’t try putting on that act on me.  I loved you but I can’t help you now.  My life is at stake here…” he started on a self-righteous note.

          “And mine is not,” Tade cut him short.  Her voice was very curt, a cutting whiplash. Laide winced at the razor-sharp, cutting tone of her voice. “My own father is not likely to kill me and my schooling not disturbed, abi?”  She got up and stood at her full, just budding height. Her face was a study in determination.

She was quite a pretty girl.  Her shoulders were no longer drooping.  She realized she had to be strong to face the consequence of her rash loving and trusting.  “Thank you very much, Laide, I’m not likely to ever be this stupid again; trusting and loving wantonly.  Thanks very much for being a very impressionable teacher.”  She walked out of the room, her head held high.  She was ready for anything.

          Laide stood transfixed in the same semi-standing position, looking, staring at the aperture through which she just vanished, his stance as if to follow her.  Then he shook his head.  He couldn’t risk what his father might do if he ever discovered this secret in his life.  She had to find a way of solving the problem on her own.  He couldn’t risk his future for anything.  He sighed deeply and admitted to himself that he was not strong enough; he was not man enough.  He had let Tade down.  Anyway, he shrugged; a man is allowed to be weak sometimes after all.

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